Maybe Oblivion
by baka coconut
Summary: After the end of the series, Light and L meet again. Light's ready to see L, ready to see his guard down in the after life. He was ready to meet the man behind the letter. Well, that just doesn't happen. Eventual L/Light spoilers for whole series.
1. Linoleum and Drop Ceilings

So! I'm finally writing a generic after-death story for Death Note. Honestly, I'm not sure where this is going to go, but there will be eventual L/light, so heed that warning, ye shounen-ai haters. As a note, no lemons, I'm way too awkward to venture into that field, and plus, I'm sure you'll be able to find many other sources of your daily dose of yaoi, so depend on the rest of the internet for that. Also, probably some rather bold language, because I do that….. SO, now for chapter one!

Disclaimer: Don't own, don't sue.

* * *

"I must say, that it is unpleasant to see you here, Raito-kun."

That was the first thing his postmortem ears processed.

And it was _not _the first thing his postmortem ears wanted to process.

Not.

At.

All.

It wasn't that he was hearing something while dead that bothered him. It wasn't even the fact that he knew who was speaking to him that bothered him. It wasn't what was said, or the situation he was in. It wasn't the cold ground under him, the stiffness in his legs, or the dull pain in his chest and arm. It wasn't even his indignant position, sprawled out like a fish thrown upon a rock by a fisherman dissatisfied by his size.

It was because that voice was still the same.

Even in death, L would never be anything more than L.

Nothing more than a cold letter.

He didn't open his eyes, didn't want to see an unchanged man.

"I see you're still great with greeting people, L." He felt the air shift as the ex-detective shuffled his undoubtedly still bare feet closer to Light's prone body. He could tell he was being knelt over. He knew he was being examined, scrutinized, measured by the other man. He dimly wondered if L was aware that it'd been five years since they last met. He was now only two years younger than his former almost friend.

"Yes well, I have not changed much. I have consciously tried not to." Light felt his eyebrows knit together in mild confusion, and in a good bit of aggravation. In death, there was no reason to keep up appearances, and Light had sincerely hoped that L would once again remember how to be a person. How to feel and how to have a real soul and open up. Light had a feeling they would end up meeting in death, and when they did, Light wanted to actually know the man who had so drastically changed his life. He wanted to see the detective for who he was. But more than anything….

He wanted to know that he had won.

He wanted to see how pathetic L was in his loss.

His defeat.

Yes, Light may be dead now too, but Light got to his rival first.

He had the first kill.

Under that, there may be a potential eternity of hating each other, or befriending each other, depending on lingering grudges. It was a side thing, a sort of after thought. Right now though, all he wanted was to witness proof that Kira had beat L. However, since none was visible, he decided to simply continue the conversation.

"Why?" A brief silence, but not a particularly cold one. Just one of consideration.

"I just wanted you to recognize me when you got here." Amber eyes slowly slid open, struggled to focus in the bright light, but finally grappled L's face into a clear image. The horizontal boy was more puzzled than before, but he let his silence broadcast that for him. He waited for some sort of explanation, examining the familiar contours of the two toned man above him.

Exactly the same.

All of it.

How infuriating.

"Raito-kun, I have waited for a very long time for you to arrive here. I wanted to remain the same so that not only would your potentially clouded memory of me be refreshed, but I also wanted to pick up our association where it left off." Light looked away. He said "association". Not "friendship" or "rivalry", or even something as vague as "relationship".

It was a cold, distant, false "association".

That's what they were.

"Associates".

Somewhere inside of Kira, Light Yagami felt something.

Something sitting on his chest.

Something cold.

Something…

A little sad.

He ignored it.

A tanned hand finally pressed down against the smooth surface of the apparent floor under it, pushed a twenty-three year old body upwards, caused it to finally assume a sitting posture. He wouldn't meet those black eyes again for now. He had locked onto them when he first unveiled his irises, and he was sorely disappointed with what he saw. He could only see _L_, the _detective_.

So, he wouldn't look again.

"If you've waited for so long, why is it unpleasant for you to see me here?" It was a serious question, but it was laced with so much sarcasm and concealed malice that it should have been tangible. It should have snaked up L's crooked body to constrict and bite and hiss to make him crumble into something more similar to what Light was so hoping for. Something ready to tell him that he had won.

L however, was as immune as ever.

"What I meant by my greeting was that I was hoping to see Raito-kun in a much more distant time." Now, that was confusing. The entire time that he had known his defeated senior, all the man wanted to do was kill him. Well, he wanted to kill Kira, but since L had always suspected him, it meant that he had always wanted to kill Light.

"L, what do you me-"

"Who do you think I am, Raito-kun?" Light blinked, but still continued staring out into oblivion. However, there wasn't anything to stare at except for a never ending white room. Linoleum floors and a ceiling covered in row after row of fluorescent lights, the horizon being where man made land and sky met, in all directions, there was only that.

"I don't know L. The only thing I've ever known about you is that you were the world's greatest detective, you had backups from Whammy's, and that you had a lot of… quirks." He felt the weight of dark eyes on him, but he still refused to look.

"I am disappointed farther Raito-kun. I had hoped that you were the one person that saw me." Light did turn at this, but he only meet kneecaps as L was now standing. What was he getting at? What did this have to do with him staying the same, or his greeting? Why was he even talking about it?

"L, I thought I did know you. I hung around you enough."

"Ah yes, Raito-kun. You spent much time with L." He was speaking in the third person about himself. Light hadn't witnessed this before, unless Deneuve or Erald Coil were involved. It was peculiar, even for L. Still, he felt that there was more that was waiting to be said, so he didn't give a response.

After a few minutes of silence, L turned away.

"You knew L very well, and L did want to have you be here far before him, Kira." Light internally twitched at the name. He'd avoided mentioning his alter ego, just in case L never did figure him out. He wanted to savor L's obliviousness and then rub his true identity in his pale little face.

Well, that was one joy spoiled for his after life.

"However," His still spiked head turned, eyes swiveling onto his seated companion, forcing the other to finally meet his eyes again.

"_I _didn't."

He started walking away.

"And that is why you lived for as long as you did."

And Light was unable to do anything.

He wasn't able to process that sentence.

He couldn't ask any questions.

And he couldn't stop L from suddenly sinking through the floor.

Completely calm in his swift departure.

Leaving Light alone in a world of buzzing lights and shining floors.

* * *

So! Chapter one guys, hope it was interesting. This should have an interesting take on their afterlife together, though right now it's not too exciting. If you have a bit of patience and love in you heart, surely a good fic will come of this! Hope everyone enjoyed, please drop me a review to let me know what you think. This should be a continued fic.


	2. Black Holes and Cliffs

Ah, chapter two! Hope you all enjoy!

* * *

Light was at a loss.

Honestly and truly, at a loss.

There he was, on his hands and knees. He stared hard at the floor, tried to make some sort of confounded hole appear. He tried imagining a hole that lead straight through to the other side, one that lead somewhere else, even one of those plain black holes you would see being thrown around in old cartoons. Still, all of this was to no avail.

And Light was still alone.

With no sense of time, and with nothing to tell it to him, he was hopelessly lost in his own mind and in whatever place he had wound up in. This was apparently Mu. There was a reason why it was considered to be nothingness.

It was boring as hell.

And it was driving him _insane._

However, if this was Mu, then why was L here? Did everyone go to Mu, or had L used the Death Note somehow?

He would _love_ to ask him in person, but he couldn't make the damn _holes_ work! He was seriously about ready to start yelling open sesame at the floor. However, just as he opened his mouth, he took a good look at the floor. In the bright reflection, he saw a dark spot.

He looked up.

And god damn him, but there was a hole.

He been making them on the ceiling.

The worst part was that he hadn't even noticed.

So much wasted time.

Regardless of his frustration with himself, he triumphantly stood, ready to finally get out of this hellish place, only to find that since it was on the ceiling, well, he was about three feet too short to actually climb _into_ the hole.

_Perfect._

So, he had essentially, gotten no where, in god knows how long. He tried concentrating on a spot above him now instead, to see if the reverse would work and one would appear in the floor, but of course _that _didn't work either.

"What the _FUCK_ L?!" His scream didn't even echo back. It had nothing to bounce off of. "Why did you just leave me here?! I KNOW you wanted me to follow you, so why didn't you give me any POINTERS or anything on how to actually TRAVEL?!" At this point, he didn't even care that he looked like a three year old having a tantrum. He just really, REALLY needed to get out of this place. Where was some one who knew what they were doing when you needed them?

Light paused for a moment at that.

He needed someone?

He, _Kira_, needed help from someone?

No. Oh no. He didn't need any sort of help from anyone. He needed a _tool_. Someone he could manipulate into getting him out of here. Someone to trick, to get a hold over.

He was fooling himself.

Manipulation was just another way of getting help.

Light looked down to his bent knees. Kira had never really done anything monumental on his own. He always had… assistance from someone else.

Fuck, he didn't even kill L.

He looked back at the ground again, mood now on a much lower key. Being "liberated" from the Death Note made him think differently. Being dead made him look back on his actions. It gave him hindsight.

He didn't like it.

"Just… fucking open up to L already." He leaned back, frustrated and exhausted from his fight with the nonsensical laws of physics here.

And wouldn't you know it, but he fell through a goddamn hole.

It was strange. He felt himself falling down, through the darkness, but only for a second, before he had the sensation of rising again. He opened his eyes to see a blue sky above him, and he felt grass tickling his neck. Well, at least he wasn't stuck falling back and forth between two portals.

"I see you finally made it." His head flew over to the right to see L standing nearby again, hair blowing wildly in the fresh wind.

"Nice of you to show me how."

"Oh please Raito-kun. Everyone has to figure it out on their own." Light got up, brushing stray blades of green off of his bloodied dress pants. Oh, right. Bloodied.

He had forgotten for a while, actually.

"Why exactly is that?" He didn't mean to be that snippy, really, he didn't. It's just well, after having a pointless fight with a floor for what seemed like an eternity, Light wasn't exactly overflowing with patience.

"It is simply how things work here. Everyone fends for themselves. I already helped you by showing you what you did not know you were capable of." He decided not to answer that because really, that was one vague form of help.

He surveyed the landscape, and it was a wonderful change from the office building from hell he was just in. Hills with grass and wheat rolled on for forever in one direction, a forest with one humongous tree in it's heart stood in another, and in the final third of this world was one beautiful, sparkling ocean. The seaside changed from jagged cliffs, which they were currently on, to soft white beaches. In the distance, almost touching the horizon, he spied a black volcanic beach.

"So how did you find this place?"

"I made it." Curiosity sprung up like a rainforest mushroom in Light's head. He _made_ this? "Usually when you exit from the place you just were, you end up in either your, or one of your loved one's places of peace. It is not necessarily heaven or paradise, but it is still a place of rest."

"So… Why am I here?" A strange sort of smile climbed onto a shadowed face of porcelain. The sun was setting behind him. Still, that smile looked a little bit victorious.

"You are here because you wanted to be here most." Light felt his eyes narrow at this. Indeed, L was the only person on his mind at the time, but really, he would much rather be with… He would rather see… Mikami? NO. Takada? Not her either. His family? Oh right, they were mostly still alive, and he didn't think it'd be right to face his father just yet. Misa? Well, even if she's dead already, the answer is no.

So, L was right.

Just like how he always was.

He wasn't going to let him know that.

Not really anyway.

"Well, you're right L. I wanted to be here to see you be a broken man." He turned to face L, a wide, expectant smile on his face. He might as well come right out and say what he wanted, after all he had thought it earlier. In death there was no need for pretenses. "I want to see how if feels to have lost to Kira. Go ahead, share with me your thoughts about how I killed you."

His attempt at being superior was ruined by L's incredulous stare.

"You really think you won." He shook his head in the most infuriatingly condescending manner. "How childish."

And Light's small amount of patience snapped.

And with that snap, a punch was thrown, and dodged.

And a kick was planted square in his belly, effectively ending the battle before it really began as he was sent tumbling to the ground with all air absent from his lungs. He still had fight in him, but now he was pinned. He looked up into the eyes of his opponent.

And any inclination he had of continuing to the fight ended with L's expression.

He was on top of him, hands pressing hard into Light's tan wrists, but apparently his captor wouldn't lower himself to the level of straddling his prey, he used a kneecap-to-hip technique instead. A very painful technique at that.

But still, that wasn't what stopped him. As aforementioned, it was the expression that was drawn across that face like a three year-old's nightmare. His eyes were wide, boring into Light's own, and his smile was drawn tight, exposing a few teeth like a threat. Those eyes though, they looked like they belonged to someone else. They were cruel, but still distant, and full of some strange form of laugher.

He brought that face close.

"Raito-kun does not realize that I _let_ him win." This somehow managed to knock more wind out of Light's struggling lungs. His greatest victory, his best accomplishment, had been fake? "Oh yes Raito-kun. You see, it was L's duty to kill you. He had to hunt you down, and he had to see you set on the electric chair like any other criminal." His body lowered more, but still, but no contact was made. L was like a spider, biding it's time to devour it's victim.

"He made sure to send information to Whammy's, he made sure that you would indeed be caught and killed and put on that little chair where so many villains you were too late to kill yourself sat before you. Oh yes, L wanted you dead _so badly_." And just as he came so close, too close, close enough for Light to only be able to see those dark pools of madness, just as that smile reached it's widest, something changed.

Those eyes looked down, that smile faded, the weight on his hips and wrists lessened.

L simply stared into the red stained fabric of Light's shirt.

Stared right at his heart.

"But I tried my best to fail, Raito-kun." Light, being as scared and intimidated as he was, was once again curious as to what was happening. L was being so sudden about everything, running in circles and leaving no explanation behind.

"I purposely laid out my plans to test the Death Note in front of the shinigami. I knew she had a connection with Misa, and that she would kill me for incriminating her again. I purposefully made the data on you and the case extremely hard to find and follow so that you had more time. I wanted you would have had a better chance of living to see the rest of your days." Jeans brushed against the smooth fabric of dress pants as L sat back onto Light's kneecaps. Light had no desire to interrupt at this point, too enthralled with what exactly was being unveiled to him.

"There was a reason it took Near five years to find you. But the thing is Raito, is that L honestly did want you dead, and I wanted Kira dead, but I was not willing to kill Light Yagami to do it." Their eyes met, one confused, the other mournful. It was strange to hear his name said with the English pronunciation.

"I wanted you to kill me, Raito." Light couldn't absorb any more of this. He couldn't _take_ this. He quickly slithered out from under L, and he let him go. There was no trace of hostility left in him.

"What… What are you saying?" He grabbed a pair of small, bony shoulders, and he knew it hurt. He wanted it to. "What the FUCK are you saying?! That everything I worked for, everything I thought for FIVE YEARS was all a lie set up by you?!"

"I am saying that I did not want to kill my only friend. L was lying to you when he said you were his first friend because he was not _allowed_ to make friends. I however, was telling the truth." At this point, L took away the now lax hands, using all of his fingers to do so. He gingerly put Light's back over on his own body, tan fingers resting against tan pants.

"Raito-kun, I did not believe that what Kira was doing was right at all, but when you were not Kira, when you were just Light, I realized that I really would never be able to kill you. I would never be able to even hurt you. Having you kill me was the only way for me to not truly lose."

"But... Near killed me. He was just like you, a back up, an extension. You still won the actual game." The bitterness in his voice was so solid, so venomous that any sensible living thing would fear for their safety. L never was sensible.

"No. We both lost." And he gave him that same smile.

That smile he gave Light on that last day.

During that foot massage on the stairs.

That sad, knowing smile.

"You lost because you died, and I lost because you died." For the first time, L really looked away. Off, into the sea. Somewhere sad and filled with regrets. "I bet everything on you being able to escape the legacy of L. I gave up my life with the hope that you would keep yours. However, it seems that our fates were both sealed into place the moment L confronted Kira."

"Why… Do you speak of L like he's such a different person than yourself? Isn't he the closest thing to your true personality?" At this point, L stood up to walk over to the cliffside. No birds called to him as he stood, gazing out into the setting sun.

"L was only the part of me I let anyone but Watari see. Everything L said or thought, I really did see and think. It is just that, anything that was too personal, or too irrelevant or kind for L to say, was not said." He turned back again to look at Light from the corner of his eye as the younger boy rose to stand next to him.

"You got to see me a few times though, Raito-kun. For instance, when I said I was your friend, when I told Aizawa that I liked people like him, when the shinigami eyes comment from the second Kira startled me. All of those moments were opportunities for you to find me out." L's eyes were no longer warm as the sun finally dipped below the sea, but they did not regain that devilish look from before.

"I am disappointed and saddened by the fact that you did not see through L to me using those moments. I'm also disappointed that you have died already." They were facing each other again, and Light could feel an energy radiating from L like he had never felt before.

It was anger, and it was frightening.

L was finally showing emotion, but Light wasn't quite sure if he wanted it now.

"To add on to my list of grievances, you killed Watari, someone I had hoped you would at least be decent enough to spare, Wedy, Aiber, Mello, _and_ Matt. Yet despite all of this, despite you killing all of these people who were important to me and critical to the investigation against you, you still allowed yourself to be caught and _killed_." Light backed away. That was the second point in time where he found himself being afraid of L, and there wasn't even any real reason for it. He backed up, and L came forward, chasing him just like he always had.

"You knew Near was not as good as I was, and you knew he was no real match for you." L wasn't on top of Light, but still, that glint in his eye, the way they grew too wide, it was still disturbing, and still scary. The way his lips began to twitch up in that smile again. It was pushing Light farther and farther away from him. From whatever malevolent force that had possessed the other man.

"You knew you were sloppy after my death, and I _must_ say that it is _very_ disappointing to me that you let that happen. I was _disgusted_ by your failure." Once again, just as he was reaching the point of rage, of insanity, that soft, half lidded gaze returned.

Just who… was this person?

"I was there when you died Light. I saw it. I saw Ryuk writing your name down, and I saw how messy his handwriting was. I watched as your heart stopped. I was indeed disappointed that you died, but more over…" He brought his eyes up again, looking right into Light with that damn smile again. It was just, simply, too tragic to look at. Light couldn't stand it.

"I was incredibly sad that you had, indeed, died. I really did want you to live on." He shook his head once more. He kept doing that, as if he was having trouble with something.

"I am sorry if I have scared you Raito-kun. Regardless of my best efforts, being here has made me… strange in some ways. I think it would be best if you left for now so I can collect myself a bit." As Light started to wonder how exactly he would be able to leave, L stepped closer once more.

There wasn't enough time to react.

Light was promptly pushed off of the cliff, speeding towards the water below.

Just before he blacked out, he saw that face again.

He saw that flash of teeth.

* * *

So, a bit strange, especially for me, since this was almost all dialogue! Again, I'm not really sure where this is going right now, but it will definitely be somewhere awesome. By the way, for some reason, when L was being all crazy, I was writing him like he was the Joker from the Dark Knight! I did that to B in chapter 13 of Always too…. It's weird, but hopefully not too weird. I really wanted to say "Why so serious?" somewhere in the chapter, but I think that'd just make L SERIOUSLY be the Joker. Anyone else love that movie, by the way? Fabulous, no?

Hee, especially when L said "being here has made me… strange in some ways" all I thought of was "Whatever doesn't kill you, makes you stranger" from the first scene.

Hee, why so serious everyone?!

…..

Anyway! Please drop me a review to let me know what you thought of this. I personally, have mixed feelings….


	3. Empty Dreams

I'm very pleased to find myself updating regularly! I re-read some of my older stuff from when I first started writing again, like Revelations and well… I'm ashamed of how badly written they are! The tenses kept shifting and there were more grammar errors than there are now, and I really thik I'm just going to leave them forgotten where they are. The only one I might pick back up would be revelations, but I have no idea as to where I should go with that, and I'm already doing two stories I really like. So, yeah, I dunno. But, at least I'm keeping up with this story and Always well! So, I'm happy with that.

Disclaimer: Don't own, don't sue.

* * *

Light woke once again to white.

He was back at square one.

Because L had pushed him off of a fucking cliff.

He sat up, staring at the all too familiar never ending horizon. At least you couldn't die in death. You apparently just get sent back to the default place of arrival. This was ironically comforting, because god knew Light hated this place, but he'd rather be here than no where at all.

What was up with L anyway?

Something had definitely broken inside of him, and it wasn't his resolve to not show emotion. It seemed more like he had just flat out gone crazy and was trying to fight it.

He wasn't sure if he wanted to see L again.

He wanted him to be changed, but not like that.

He didn't want to find a man struggling to keep his mind.

However, he didn't want to be here either. L had said that when someone goes to Mu, they usually end up in either their, or their loved one's places of peace. So, if L had created his own place, maybe Light could too. Maybe all he had to do was think of his paradise and he'd end up there. He could only hope though that this wasn't going to be like the holes. If it was, Light would definitely find someway to kill himself in death. Seriously. So, he concentrated on his paradise, the one he had always envisioned, filled with good people and innocent faces.

A hole large enough for him to walk through appeared before him, rimmed in red.

Light smiled confidently, feeling like he had already conquered the mysteries of the afterlife.

He stepped through it, wishing he had actually accomplished his goals in life. At least he would get to see what a perfect world would really be like now. He thought for a moment that his world would be rather boring without a challenge, but it would be worth it to witness what he had worked so hard towards.

He opened his eyes to see the empty city of Tokyo.

He wasn't surprised, no, not at all. Most of the people in the world were dirty and evil, so naturally, he must have killed them. However, he was slightly unsettled by the fact that his world hadn't been created far enough in the future for the good to have replenished the world's population. Regardless, he walked into the city, toward the heart. He passed no one, saw not a single rat in the alleys, heard not a single angry car horn.

Until he came to a park.

It was filled with people, all huddled together, whispering.

They had no faces to smile with.

Light wasn't horrified, or even scared. He was more of outraged. Why would his people not have faces? Why would they not be able to look up at him with happiness in their eyes while they thanked and praised him? At that moment, one turned his way, it's pale, washed out hair swaying with the movement.

It screamed at him.

The others turned to look and joined their voices with the first.

"WHY DOES HE LOOK LIKE THAT?! WHY HASN'T LORD KIRA PUNISHED HIM?!" He could do nothing, frozen as the horde ran toward him, ragged and worn clothes hanging loosely from their starved forms. One grabbed him by the shoulders, blank face managing to convey hate and confusion.

"Why do you have a face? Are you not pure at heart? Faces show many things, good and bad! WHE WON'T ALLOW YOUR EVIL TO POISON US!" The figure raised up it's arm, a knife held tightly in it. "DON'T RUIN THE WORLD THAT KIRA-SAMA MADE FOR US!" Light broke it's feeble hold on his shoulders, dodging the dull blade as it came down. That wasn't the place he wanted! These weren't the people that belonged in his world!

He ran away.

Surely, somewhere else in this city, there would be the happy people he wanted.

He ran for forever, passing other parks with other faceless monsters.

His house was empty.

His school was empty, except for the new graffiti declaring the names of evil doers.

He decided to go to the last place he could think of.

He walked towards the skyscraper he inhabited while with L. He wondered if L would be there, faceless and drabbling on about Lord Kira. If Aizawa would rip off his fingers because they had touched something impure, if Mogi would crush his eyeballs in because he had seen evil things.

He wondered if his father would rip out his tongue for all the lies he's told.

He walked inside, a strange feeling of abnormality running down his spine as he realized the air conditioning was off, and that there was no electric hum sounding from inside the walls. Up two floors and down four doors he went, before he halted outside of the familiar room. He hesitated, wondered if he could really deal with those circumstances should they be reality.

What was he thinking?

He was Kira.

Kira did not hesitate.

So, he walked into the room, opening the sliding door with the ends of his fingers stuck into the slot. It was red and empty inside. There was nothing different from that one prominent memory. The lights were an angry crimson, the screens mournful in their black and white. There was no one here though. No one except for Light.

And L's dead body.

He still had a face.

* * *

Ok, so weird, yes, I know. Remember that no one in Mu gets a paradise, so naturally Light's perfect world is messed up. I know that this chapter isn't the most descriptive or the longest, but I felt it was important to show how Light's world would turn out. The next chapter will hopefully be better, and it should also have a bit more depth and delve farther into the workings of the afterlife.

Please drop me a review, I really appreciate all the ones I've received thus far!


	4. Uncertainty

Hoo, I'm back! Sorry this was kinda late, but I updated Always and rewrote up to ch.4 I think, and I'm still editing other chapters, not to mention that my family loves to make me do random crap in the middle of me doing other crap, so it's hard to get stuff done. However, I have REALLY been trying to keep up with my updates because after re-reading most of my stuff, I have come to the conclusion that, yes, my chapters are EXTREMELY short, and I'm sorry for that. However, I can't seem to make myself write more than like, 4 pages at a time, and if i force myself, it'll suck a whole bunch, So, I've decided that instead of forcing crap and ruining my story, I'll try to hurry a but more with the updates! Thank you everyone who puts up with this sort of stuff, I love you all!

Disclaimer: Don't own, don't sue.

* * *

"It is not quite what you thought it would be, is it?" Light whipped around at the sound of that familiar voice. Predictably, there stood the real L, nonchalantly scratching his ankle with his foot.

"Why is it like this? This isn't the place I wanted." A slightly spiteful smile was sent his way as L slouched over to his corpse on the floor. He bent over it curiously.

"Hmmm, at least I haven't rotted or been inhabited by pests in your dream." He straightened up again, that same grin still in place, but it was thankfully far from that other smile he wore nowadays. That smile that pushed him off of a cliff. "But yes, Raito-kun. This is the world you wished for. This is the world that Kira would have created, more or less. Besides, I did warn you that true paradise was not attainable in Mu."

"How is this the world I worked so hard for? There isn't a single happy or even sane person here! I was Kira so that I could rid the world of evil, so that the good could thrive! I wanted to save a rotten world, not make one that was even worse!"

And god, but L began to _laugh_.

Cruel, unfiltered, raw, gleeful cackles echoed through the room as L stood over his own dead body.

"Did Kira not believe that the fear he drove into people's hearts would drive the world insane? Did he not think that even the good people he was trying to _save_ would have doubts about whether or not they would be spared? THIS is the world you wanted Kira." He was coming closer to Light, approaching the other boy like a spider about to suck the fluids out of it's victim. Light was backed into a wall, and of course, the predator bent over his prey, eyes wide and cracked smile on display once again.

"Kira-_sama_, the faceless people you see are your mindless worshippers, deluded and insane. They are all under their _God's _watchful eye. Anyone with a face can express individuality. They can oppose Kira." He caught Light's chin in between three of his fingers, pressed down hard, fingernails biting into the skin there. Light made an effort to push his captor away, and in exchange another hand fisted his hair. His eyes widened as he realized too late what it's purpose was. He let out a yell as the back of his head was painfully bashed against the metal wall behind him. His vision went black for a second, and his ears grew hot. Subdued and disoriented from the attack, he didn't struggle when he was pulled away from the edge of the room, L moving behind him, still holding his chin in place.

When his eyes refocused, they were centered on L's prone body, staring him right in the face.

"I was the last one who opposed you in this world. You put me here, and you gave me a face to fight you with. In a way, I suppose I should be flattered." He was forcefully pushed away, causing him to stumble.

And land on L's body.

He was facing his greatest victory.

And he was facing he greatest defeat.

L's death had been many things to Light, and it had been many things to Kira, all of them contradicting and grinding against each other, trying to come to one conclusive and unanimous opinion. Even when he was dying, he wasn't sure how he felt about his life, his accomplishments, or L's demise.

He screamed.

His legs and arms flailed outwards, scrambling across the floor to get away from the carcass.

He was childish enough to find an empty corner to reside in.

For a while, everything was quiet. Light's quickened breaths were the only things that were audible, coupled with the low buzz of machinery. He couldn't take his eyes away from the paradox that lay in the middle of the room.

"I see." L came towards him again, but this time, Light knew to be wary. His eyes grew cold, and his muscles tensed, ready to defend himself.

He didn't expect L to kneel down next to him, or for him to gently run his hand through his hair.

It was almost a comforting movement.

"Something has broken inside of you too." His hand slipped from his hair to his cheek in an almost caress, and while this was much better than abuse, it was still a bit off putting for L to be doing this sort of thing to his killer.

"Your death must have been somewhat traumatizing. Kira deserved that kind of ending, but I still felt pity for _you_." He stood up with an amiable smile on his face that Light didn't quite trust. After all, L seemed to have developed some form of either schizophrenia or bipolar disorder, and it honestly wasn't safe to get too close to him anymore. "Why don't we get out of here? I have some things I want to show you." A hole appeared behind him, big enough for the two of them.

Light weighed his options. He could either follow a possibly dangerous L into the possibly dangerous unknown, or he could stay in his world which he _knew_ was dangerous.

Light stood up and bravely walked into the portal, hoping to God it didn't open up to a lava pit.

* * *

So! I feel a little unsatisfied with this chapter, honestly. I feel like I wasn't descriptive enough, or that I didn't get their emotions across clearly enough. I mean, I LOVE writting insane L, but sometimes it's a bit hard to get across just how freaking scary he is, and I'm dissapointed that i didn't really emphazise the crazy here. BUT! At least we had some not crazy touchy feely time, yes? I'll try to update again soon, hope you all liked. Please drop me a review!


	5. Fall

So, I'm updating! I really hope I can continue to do so on a regular basis! Things might be a little rocky for a few weeks though, because right now at my job I'm working full time until I'm done training, and then going to part time, but at that point I'll be going to college too, but hopefully by that stage I can properly arrange my schedule for a few nights to myself to write! Please bear with me while I adjust! Thank you to every one who's stayed with me thus far!

Disclaimer: Don't own, don't sue

* * *

The had once again returned to L's Mu.

Not paradise, there was no paradise in death.

Only variations of nothingness.

Different interpretations.

Only Mu.

Light inhaled the refreshing scent of the rolling hills of L's imagination. He opened his eyes at the thought, slightly disturbed. L's world smelled sweet and innocent, filled with green grass, fresh air, and a peaceful sea.

His smelled like dead bodies and ash.

"Does Raito-kun understand why his version of the after life turned out the way it did?" Light looked to his feet, mulling over the precious few facts he knew about death.

"In mu, paradise is unattainable, but I wanted it anyway, and was therefore punished?"

"That is mostly correct, however the part about punishment was incorrect." He turned to look over his montage of tranquil scenery, prompting Light to follow suit.

"You see, when I created my world, I knew that if I wanted a perfect world to spend my afterlife in, it would be created with the most literal interpretation. To avoid any mishaps like yours, I simply thought up the most neutral place that I could possibly somewhat enjoy for eternity."

Light skimmed over the distant treetops, followed the curve of the land as it played with the horizon, followed the waves as they rhythmically flowed in and out of tide pools in the cliff rocks. Yes, this was a place where there was nothing to satisfy anyone's desires, but there was also nothing to cause harm or anxiety.

It was warm and peaceful.

It was mundane and boring.

It was insanity disguised as serenity.

"L," it was a chuckle of a syllable, as if he was responding to a joke. "I honestly don't think I could stay here. Even though it's safe, I wouldn't be able to stand it." L was a splotch of black and white against a world of pastels as he turned to lock eyes with the other man, a hint of that cruel smile tugging at his lips.

"Do you think I could Raito-kun?" He took a step closer, but this time, Light was not afraid. Obviously, this was the only way the ex-detective could express himself in his fractured frame of mind, and it wouldn't do any real harm to him. How could it anyway?

He was dead.

Found out by Near, shot by Matsuda, killed by his almost friend of a Shinigami.

Dead.

"Raito-kun, why do you think I fought for justice in life?" The gleam of something breaking that had occupied his eyes for a moment dulled slightly as he seemed to re-anchor himself to reality.

"Because you believed yourself to be worthy of judging people by their actions. You thought you were better than them." Another smile graced porcelain lips, but this time it was thankfully only one of amusement.

"Ah, I see Raito-kun is reflecting his own philosophies onto me." He turned once again, this time to gaze out over the sea, letting the wind play with his hair and caress his face. "You do not yet understand the difference between L and myself."

"I've never understood that much about you to start off with. It was all lies." A flashback of a certain moment in time in the rain flew through his brain.

_But… the same applies to you._

"Yes, it was. However, you could not see through those lies to call out to me through L. It is just like how I knew Kira to the finest detail, but I knew Yagami Raito for only a brief moment in time when the Death Note was unknown to him." Light closed his eyes, once again going back to that time.

_Have you ever uttered a single completely true thing since you were born?_

"In any case, no, I did not fight for justice, and I did not believe myself to be better than anyone else." Golden brown eyes snapped to the back of his pseudo-friend with reignited interest. It was always an event whenever l revealed anything about himself. "L fought because he believed that only he could properly investigate crimes and enforce the law as an uninfluenced, unbiased, and unemotional party. He was the only truly fair judgment in the world. However, I solved crimes simply because I wanted to." He turned away from the jagged Cliffside to once again face Light, cutting deep into his eyes with the intensity of his gaze.

"I would find cases that could not be solved under ordinary circumstances, and I wanted to solve them simply because it was a hobby of mine. It was a hobby to try to protect people who otherwise could not have been. I helped people in extraordinary situations because not only did I feel compelled to due to empathy, but I also enjoyed the mere task of solving a complex problem. That is simply how brains like ours, Raito-kun, entertain themselves."

Light cocked an eyebrow. What L was saying…. Made no sense. To say something as distant and objective as solving crimes as a hobby, and then turn around and say he wanted to help people because he wanted to protect them was contradictory. Not because of any actual conflicts in logic, but simply because of two very different views on the same problem.

Perhaps L was dealing with conflicting sides of himself even in life.

"So, we were never the same after all?" It wasn't a question. Simply a slightly sad, disappointed rhetorical.

"I am afraid not Raito-kun. Anyway, I have much more to show you." he turned back to the sea, looking towards the now setting sun, it reflecting brightly in the clear obsidian of his irises. "I want to ask you one thing before we move on, but I do not want an answer just yet." His head turned, billowing bangs hiding his too wide eyes.

"What did you believe justice to be?"

And oddly enough, Light wasn't surprised when L leaned over, farther and farther.

Until he fell off the side and into the ocean.

He was also unsurprised when he looked down to find no body.

He stood for a moment, pondering the question. _He_ had been justice. He was the ultimate judge of right and wrong….but…

When did justice stop being justice? When did his quest to purify the world and protect the good turn into a pilgrimage to godhood? When had he stopped caring about the welfare of the people he was saving? Why didn't he cry when his father died? When Takeda died? Even Mikami's death, as violent and shocking as it was, had left him unfazed, even though it had happened right in front of him. Why had he smiled when L's eyes closed for the first, and last time?

When did he stop being Yagami Raito?

When did he become Kira exclusively?

Had he lost himself?

His goals?

Yes.

Yes, he had lost to the thirst for power, the need to be superior to all. He had lost sight of his true intentions and became warped. He supposed it really only happened after L's death because he didn't sped every day and night reminding himself that he was true and good and a pure force that was helping the world make it's way to a better future. L had kept his feet on the real path he had wanted to walk, and without him there…

He had become something dark, twisted.

Evil.

He had become the antithesis of Justice.

He fell into the ocean.

* * *

So, I thought I'd throw a little bit of retrospective goodness into this chapter! Also, a bit more into L's true feelings, and there was a bonus chapter of DN where Near was talking about the only time he had ever heard L speak. In that instance, l had said that he did not fight for justice, he only did it because it was a hobby. I thought I'd mention that in this and expand a bit on it. Also, for any one who's read it, I'm going to base death VERY loosely off of the comic "The Clarence Principle", which is awesome. If you've read it, hopefully you'll be able to understand the death system a little better in the next chapter. There'll be a few, very vague similarities, but I thought it was a neat idea.

Anyway, thanks for reading, please drop me a review! I might edit this later, by the way, this chapter seems kinda cut and dry….


End file.
